It happens over and over again, even though you say you’ll do better next time. You’re running late for an appointment and your son can’t find his shoes. The baby is crying and you just lose it. You scream at your preschooler, “How many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes where they belong?”
If you think you’re alone, you’re not. I can’t tell you how many moms I’ve talked to who tell me that patience is one of their biggest struggles. The good news is that you can become more patient. That’s why today I want to share some great tips to help you be more patient in parenting.
Why Do I Lose My Patience so Quickly?
Do you wonder why you lose your patience so easily, especially when you just want to be a more patient person? Perhaps you never saw yourself as an impatient person before, but then you had kids! When I was a young mom, I didn’t like the mom I was turning into. I was having a hard time not losing my patience over all kinds of different situations it seemed!
However, I’ve learned what kinds of things tend to trigger my impatience. The things that cause me to lose patience may be different than what causes you to lose your patience, but I think these insights could be possible reasons you lose your patience. They will be helpful for you to figure out your own triggers.
1. Stress
High stress levels in daily life are a big reason why moms lose patience. Many moms are already overwhelmed, so the emotions are often bubbling just below the surface. One little disobedience, irritating situation, or spill and you reach the breaking point. An important thing to realize is that if you have less stress in your life, you will be more likely to keep your cool.
2. Unmet behavior expectations
Another reason moms lose patience is over unmet behavior expectations with their child’s behavior. We forget that they’re children, that they need the same things repeated over and over, and that they’re still learning. Perhaps it’s even our fault. We haven’t been consistent in training or discipline and so our child isn’t sure exactly what to do. This is especially true of young kids who still have so much to learn. Because of this, we’re dealing with power struggles a lot of the time.
3. Selfishness
Another reason we tend to lose patience is our own selfishness. Ouch! Yes, it hurts, but it’s true. Think of a time you were reading after putting your children to bed, but you kept hearing fighting from the bedroom. In the heat of the moment, you go back and lecture them in a huff. How dare they interrupt you when you’ve been taking care of them all day??!!
The Importance of Patience
Why is patience important in parenting? Patience is important in parenting since it helps your child feel loved and valued. Other benefits of patience include giving your child security in knowing he or she is loved no matter what and modeling correct behavior to our children. We teach them that even when we are in stressful situations, we can keep our emotions in check.
Now, think of the opposite of showing patience. When we lose our patience, our children may see themselves as an inconvenience or trial in our lives. They may feel their bad behavior makes them unworthy or unloved. They may learn the bad habits that all emotions need to come out.
What Does the Bible Say About Patience?
The Bible has plenty of verses teaching patience. It’s a good idea to write down one or two of these on a card and place it where you will see it every single day. As we saturate ourselves in the Word of God, it will make a huge difference in allowing us to display the fruit of the Spirit (such as patience) in our lives, leading to calm parenting.
This first verse is a classic verse found in the “love chapter,” but is a great reminder that love truly is patient and is NOT irritable or resentful. The next verses remind us to keep doing good and show one another love.
- “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 ESV
- “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
- “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” Ephesians 4:2
The following Bible verse about patience reminds us that being slow to speak will quiet any contention in our homes. Our words can build our home or tear it down.
- “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” Proverbs 15:18
- “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,” Colossians 3:12
Even though this last verse isn’t a parenting verse, I feel that it sums up parenting pretty well. Aren’t we to always be pointing our children to Christ, removing the wrong and encouraging the good? Aren’t we to do so as we teach with patience?
- “preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” 2 Timothy 4:2
How to be More Patient with Kids
Hopefully, the previous info has been insightful as you strive to not lose patience as a parent. Now I want to give you some effective ways to be more patient with your children. No, this most likely won’t be an immediate fix and will need some hard work, but as you learn your triggers and focus on what God says about patience, you will become more and more patient.
1. Learn what the Bible says about patience
The first step is to know what God has to say. I’ve started you off with some great Bible verses about patience, but there are more. Be sure to look them up. Also, meditate on and memorize some verses about anger since when we lose our patience, we are showing anger.
2. Prayer
Pray constantly about this issue. Prayer is one of those simple things but it is powerful. As you combine it with saturating yourself in God’s Word, changes will happen!
3. Identify your triggers
Did you recognize any of my triggers in yourself? One of the best ways to figure out your triggers is to write down each time you lose your patience and what may have triggered it. As you continue to do this, you will begin to see some patterns emerge. This is such a simple way to notice patterns. Then, do what you can to minimize these triggers.
4. Recognize the signals
Recognize your body signals and thought patterns leading to anger. Doing the above exercise may help with this as well. Do you notice your heart rate rising? Is your breathing becoming heavier? Do you just start feeling helpless and overwhelmed? Difficult situations will come, so in order to be a more patient mom, you will need to make these changes.
5. Decrease stress
Another help can be to decrease the stress in your life. As you learn to let go of the things that cause you stress and simplify your life, you will feel more relaxed and at peace in general, which will help you be a more patient parent. I know this one was a big one for me. As I let things go and brought down my overall stress levels, I became more patient with my husband and children.
What does the Bible say about the role of a mother? To learn more about being a godly mother, check out these 10 characteristics of a good mother according to the Bible.
6. Get a new perspective
Put yourself in your child’s shoes. In their current situation, are they tired, hungry, or overwhelmed? Also, remember that they aren’t grown and developed and are still learning to manage their emotions . . . just like we still are, right?? Remember that they WILL do childish things.
7. Take time to rejuvenate
I know you probably think that you don’t have time for rest. You have too much to do. However, proper rest is so important, and I’m not just talking about sleep. While you do need to get enough sleep, you will also want to take a bit of time to relax during the day. Implement quiet time with your children if they’re no longer napping, and take a bit of that time to sit and read, pray, and have a comforting or refreshing drink. By taking time to recharge, you will have a fresh perspective and renewed energy.
8. Change your mindset
Many times our mindset is negative. However, you’re so much less likely to lose patience when you have a positive attitude. Renewing your mind is important as a follower of Christ. It’s hard to be angry when we’re being thankful instead. Gratitude is one of the most important skills we can learn or grow in.
9. Prepare responses
Prepare some responses to common issues ahead of time. What kind of situation often brings you to anger? What could you say instead? By preparing beforehand, you’ll be less likely to speak before you think and say hurtful things. Instead, you’ll already know what to say in a different way.
10. Give yourself grace.
Remember that you are still growing, too. If you mess up, ask God and your children for forgiveness and move on. Remember, there is no condemnation in Christ. You are doing a good job and are making progress!
Patience in Parenting Conclusion
Becoming more patient is a process, so be diligent in learning what triggers your impatience. Continue to renew your mind in the Word of God. Which verse about patience is the most meaningful to you? Which action step will you put into practice? Let me know in the comments!
Next, be sure to check out:
- 7 Key Bible Verses for the Overwhelmed Mom
- 9 Simple Habits to Help You Feel Less Stressed as a Mom
- 7 Powerful Reminders When You Feel Like a Failure as a Mom
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