It happens over and over again, even though you say you’ll do better next time. You’re running late for an appointment and your son can’t find his shoes. The baby is crying and you just lose it. You scream at your preschooler, “How many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes where they belong?”
If you think you’re alone, you’re not. I can’t tell you how many moms I’ve talked to who tell me that patience is one of their biggest struggles. That’s why today I want to share some great tips to help you be more patient in parenting.
Why Do I Lose My Patience so Quickly?
Do you wonder why you lose your patience so easily? When I was a young mom, I didn’t like the mom I was turning into. I was losing my patience over every little thing it seemed! However, I’ve learned what kinds of things tended to trigger my impatience. The things that cause me to lose patience may be different than what causes you to lose your patience, but I think these insights will be helpful for you to figure out possible triggers.
1. Stress
Stress is a big reason why moms lose patience. Many moms are already overwhelmed, so the emotions are often bubbling just below the surface. One little disobedience or spill and you yell.
2. Unmet behavior expectations
Another reason moms lose patience is over unmet behavior expectations in their children. We forget that they’re children, that they need the same things repeated over and over, and that they’re still learning. Perhaps it’s even our fault. We haven’t been consistent in training or discipline and so our child isn’t sure exactly what to do.
3. Selfishness
Another reason we tend to lose patience is our own selfishness. Ouch! Yes, it hurts, but it’s true. Think of a time you were reading after putting your children to bed, but you kept hearing fighting from the bedroom. You go back and lecture them in a huff. How dare they interrupt you when you’ve been taking care of them all day??!!
The Importance of Patience
Why is patience important in parenting? Patience is important in parenting since it helps your child feel loved and valued. Patience gives your child security in knowing he or she is loved no matter what. Being patient is also how we model correct behavior to our children. We teach them that even when we don’t feel like it, we can keep our emotions in check.
Now, think of the opposite of showing patience. When we lose our patience, our children may see themselves as an inconvenience or trial in our lives. They may feel their bad behavior makes them unworthy or unloved even. They may learn that all emotions need to come out.
What Does the Bible Say About Patience?
The Bible has plenty to say about patience. I would recommend writing down one or two of these down on a card and placing it where you will see it often. As we saturate ourselves in the Word of God, we will be more likely to display the fruit of the Spirit (such as patience) in our lives.
This first verse is a classic verse found in the “love chapter,” but is a great reminder that love truly is patient and is NOT irritable or resentful. The next verses remind us to keep doing good and show one another love.
- “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;” 1 Corinthians 13: 4-5 ESV
- “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
- “with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,” Ephesians 4:2
The following Bible verse about patience reminds us that being slow to speak will quiet any contention in our homes. Our words can build our home or tear it down.
- “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” Proverbs 15:18
- “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,” Colossians 3:12
Even though this last verse isn’t a parenting verse, I feel that it sums up parenting pretty well. Aren’t we to always be pointing our children to Christ, removing the wrong and encouraging the good? Aren’t we to do so as we teach with patience?
- “preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching.” 2 Timothy 4:2
How to be More Patient with Your Child
Hopefully, the previous info has been insightful as you strive to not lose patience as a parent. Now I want to give you some helpful tips for being more patient with your children. No, this most likely won’t be an immediate fix, but as you learn your triggers and focus on what God says about patience, you will become more and more patient.
1. Learn what the Bible says about patience
I’ve started you off with some great Bible verses about patience, but there are more. Be sure to look them up. Also, meditate on and memorize some verses about anger since when we lose our patience, we are showing anger.
2. Prayer
Pray constantly about this issue. Prayer is powerful, and as you combine it with saturating yourself in God’s Word, changes will happen!
3. Identify your triggers
Did you recognize any of my triggers in yourself? Try writing down each time you lose your patience and what may have triggered it. As you continue to do this, you will begin to see some patterns emerge. Do what you can to minimize these triggers.
4. Recognize the signals
Recognize your body signals and thought patterns leading to anger. Doing the above exercise may help with this as well. Do you notice your heart rate rising? Is your breathing becoming heavier? Do you just start feeling helpless and overwhelmed?
5. Decrease stress
Another help can be to decrease the stress in your life. As you learn to let go of the things that cause you stress and simplify your life, you will feel more relaxed and at peace in general. When this happens, you will be much more likely to be patient with your children and husband.
6. Get a new perspective
Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Are they the one who is tired, hungry, or overwhelmed? Also, remember that they aren’t grown and are still learning to manage their emotions . . . just like we still are, right?? Remember that they WILL do childish things.
7. Take time to rejuvenate
I know you probably think that you don’t have time for rest. You have too much to do. However, proper rest is important, and I’m not just talking about sleep. While you do need to get enough sleep, you will also want to take a bit of time to relax during the day. Implement quiet time with your children if they’re no longer napping, and take a bit of that time to sit and read, pray, and have a comforting or refreshing drink.
8. Change your mindset
Many times our mindset is negative. However, you’re so much less likely to lose patience when you have a positive attitude. Renewing your mind is important as a follower of Christ. It’s hard to be angry when we’re being thankful instead.
9. Prepare responses
Prepare some responses to common issues ahead of time. What kind of situation often brings you to anger? What could you say instead? By preparing beforehand, you’ll be less likely to speak before you think. You’ll already know what to say.
10. Give yourself grace.
Remember that you are still growing, too. If you mess up, ask God and your children for forgiveness and move on. Be sure to forgive yourself as well. You are making progress!
Patience in Parenting Conclusion
Becoming more patient is a process, so be diligent in learning what triggers your impatience, and continue to renew your mind in the Word of God. Which verse about patience is the most meaningful to you? Which tip will you put into practice? Let me know in the comments!
You may also find the following helpful as well:
- 7 Key Bible Verses for the Overwhelmed Mom
- 9 Simple Habits to Help You Feel Less Stressed as a Mom
- 7 Powerful Reminders When You Feel Like a Failure as a Mom
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