How to Not Lose Your Identity As a Mom

It’s easy to lose yourself as a mom. Between caring for your children, running the household, and dealing with all of the other responsibilities that come with being a parent, it’s no wonder that many mothers feel like they’ve lost their identity. This can be a really tough thing to deal with, especially if you’re used to identifying yourself as something else besides “mom.” Let’s discuss how to not lose your identity as a mom, explore some of the reasons why moms seem to lose themselves, and offer some advice on how to find your identity again.

Losing Yourself in Motherhood

Do you lose your identity when you become a mom? To be honest, it’s totally up to you. Many moms do. It’s not surprising, really. When you become a parent, your life changes dramatically and suddenly there are all these new responsibilities that you have to deal with on a daily basis. Before you know it, you’re so busy taking care of your kids that you don’t have time for anything else. You stop doing the things that used to give you purpose and start focusing all of your energy on being a good parent.

Motherhood identity crisis

Motherhood identity crisis hits when you realize you don’t even know who you are anymore . . . well, other than a mom. You no longer have time to do the things that you love because you’re so busy taking care of your kids and running a household. The problem is that when this happens, it’s easy for moms to feel like they’ve lost themselves completely!

It may not seem like it, but there are actually quite a few different ways in which mothers lose their identity as women or individuals. Some examples include: not having enough time to pursue interests outside of being parents; finding themselves isolated from friends who don’t yet understand what motherhood entails; feeling pressure from society about what kind of parent they should be (i.e., stay-at-home vs working mom); or even just finding it difficult to balance their new role as a mom with their old identity.

Often these factors come together and leave a mother feeling lost and confused. Is this you? If so, know that you don’t have to stay lost! I’m here to help and give you hope.

how to not lose your identity as a mom pinnable image of a frustrated mom sitting beside her son

Why do Stay-at-home Moms lose identity?

It’s not just moms who lose their identity – anyone can lose themselves in the chaos of life, but this is especially true for mothers because they’re responsible for taking care of children as well as finding time to take care of themselves. When you’re a stay-at-home mom, it’s easy to lose yourself in all the housework and childrearing. Before you know it, you don’t have any time for yourself and you’ve stopped doing the things that make you happy. You no longer do the things you used to do and find your identity.

Finding Your Identity as a Mom

You’re in the midst of the diapers, the tantrums, the training, and the household tasks. You look up one day and ask, who am I besides a mother? Sometimes it’s hard to remember. However, finding your identity as a mom is possible. It will take some work, but it’s totally worth the effort!

Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you have to lose who you are or what makes up your identity. You can still be yourself and enjoy all of the things that make life worth living – hobbies, friends, and interests that make us feel like ourselves again, even when we’ve lost track of time with our kids (or had too little sleep).

Besides, there’s an important key to remember! Let’s get into that now. As a Christian, your identity is in more than in what you do. It’s in who . . . or should I say Whose you are.

Picture of The Top Secrets to Overcoming Chaos guide and perks

Finding Your Identity in Christ

Ultimately, if you are a Christian, your identity will be found in Christ. You’re not just a mom and that’s it. You are a child of God! You are wonderfully made and loved. If you are having a hard time keeping the right perspective, check out these Biblical affirmations. These can help you embrace God’s truth for your life.

Related: Embracing Your Identity in Christ

Embracing your new identity

What do I mean by new identity? You don’t have to go back to being who you were pre-children. Maybe you identified yourself as a career woman or a fitness queen. Maybe you were the life of the party and now you barely get out.

As a wife and a mother, you have a different calling on your life. There’s nothing wrong with embracing that. Maybe now you’re known as the most fun mom in the neighborhood, or you’re the go-to person for parenting advice. Perhaps you make the best treats or are known as the crunchy mom. These are not less important than who you were. They’re just different.

As we’ve already discussed, the most important identity is the one that comes from God . . . who He says you are. Although, I’m sure you’re kids think you’re a pretty great mom as well.

What does the Bible say about the role of a mother? To learn more about being a godly mother, check out these 10 characteristics of a good mother according to the Bible.

Tips for Rediscovering Yourself in Motherhood

So how do you find your identity again after losing it in motherhood? It can be tough, but it’s not impossible. Here are a few tips:

  • First of all, immerse yourself into embracing who God says you are.
  • Think about your new identities such as wife, mom, kind neighbor, etc. Yes, they may be different than what they were, but I know your new identity is just as (if not more so) amazing and fulfilling.
  • Make time for yourself. You need to carve out some time each day just for yourself so that you can relax and recharge. Maybe this means taking a bath every night after the kids go to bed or going for a walk by yourself every day at lunchtime. Even spending 15 minutes reading the Bible or praying can give you the space to connect with who you really are.
  • Pursue your interests. God has given each one of us different interests and passions. Ultimately these are to bring glory to Him, but they give us fulfillment as well. Some of these you can even include your children in. It’s a fun and bonding experience when you can all enjoy an activity together. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean that you no longer can do these things.
  • Take a break from social media: Social media can be really distracting as well as give you false ideals of motherhood. Focus instead on the calling and passions God has given you to pursue.

Mom Identity

It might seem like finding yourself after losing who you are as a mom is impossible, but with these tips we’ve given above, there’s hope yet! God is not finished with you and is moulding you into an even better version of you!

Remember, make sure your identity as a mom is hinged on who God says you are and the calling He’s given you. Know that He has made you who you are, including your gifts and passions. Embrace all God has called you to be, especially in this motherhood season. So, what are you waiting for? You got this mama!

Are you struggling with your identity as a mom? What have you found to be helpful? Please comment below. Also, for more encouragement, be sure to find me over on Facebook.

You may also find these helpful:

5 Top Strategies for Overwhelmed Moms

How to Feel Fulfilled as a Stay At Home Mom

Tired Mom, Great Mom


  • Aimee Niblack

    As a mom for 18 years and a mom coach for 2 years, Aimee shares her expertise with young Christian moms via her blog and coaching business.

About Author

As a mom for 18 years and a mom coach for 2 years, Aimee shares her expertise with young Christian moms via her blog and coaching business.

(2) Comments

  1. I like your reminder that just because we may have different roles now doesn’t mean they are less important than the roles we used to have. Motherhood is just a different expression of who we are!

    1. Yes, exactly! Thanks for commenting!

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