By Patrick Cloutier
I’ve been married for 18 years, I know firsthand that there are times when life can get tough. We face challenges, responsibilities, and expectations that can sometimes feel overwhelming. But in those difficult moments, having the love and support of my wife makes all the difference. It’s amazing how a few kind words or a small gesture of encouragement can lift my spirits and motivate me to keep pushing forward. And this goes for most husbands.
I highly suggest not overthink things when it comes to encouragement and trying to be simply present. I hate to say it but husbands, including Moi, are not that difficult to please… Maybe some would say the dreaded word: “Simple.” But the fact is after you’ve read this list you’ll find yourself more open and understanding of what to do to make marriage life and hubby more content or just feel more alive.
I took great pleasure in writing this btw…
- How to Encourage Your Husband
- 1. Speak His Love Language
- 2. Show Appreciation for the Little Things
- 3. Plan Surprise Date Nights
- 4. Be His Safe Place
- 5. Celebrate His Accomplishments
- 6. Make Time for Quality Time
- 7. Be His Best Friend
- 8. Embrace the Power of Physical Touch
- 9. Believe in His Potential
- 10. Respect His Space
- 11. Encourage Friendships
- 12-Encourage Self-Care
- 13. Book a solo movie night for HIM
- 14. Spark up the BBQ
- 15. Go the 'the game' with him
- 16. Special T.G.I.F together
- 17. Sex, Sex, and more Sex
- 18. Bring him lunch at work
- 19. Little notes to encourage your husband
- 20. No Nag Days
How to Encourage Your Husband
If you want to be a more encouraging wife, I want to share with you some of the best ways to encourage your husband from a husband’s perspective. These are the little things that have a tremendous impact on my life and make me feel loved, supported, and inspired. So, let’s check the different ways you can uplift your husband strengthen your marriage, and sometimes just be silly together.
++Before we start. I want you to reminisce on how your life was with your then-boyfriend and why you married him. All the great stuff and the not-so-great stuff all wrapped up in one guy, THE guy. The guy you took responsibility for marrying and loving. The guy who is taking care of your children and being an exceptional father. The guy that burps and farts at home and the same guy that brought you roses on Valentine’s or broke your favorite tea cup. The guy that you argue with, play golf with, nag to, and might resent at times. That guy…Your guy.
1. Speak His Love Language
Just like everyone else, husbands have their own unique love languages. Understanding and speaking your husband’s love language is one of the most powerful ways to encourage him. Whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, or receiving gifts, find out what makes your husband feel loved and make an effort to express your love in his language. This is a vague start, I know, but should know him and understand that some things on my list will work well and others will backfire hard…
For example, if your husband’s love language is words of affirmation, take the time to tell him how much you appreciate him, admire his hard work, and acknowledge his achievements. Simple phrases like “I’m so proud of you” or “You’re an amazing man” can go a long way in boosting his confidence and motivating him to be the best version of himself.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Yes this one sounds cheesy but imagine if things were reversed. If he came up to you and said “Honey you’re an awesome lady and I’m very lucky to have you in my life,” how would you react? Would you cry and kiss him or think ‘Hmm what does he want from me?’ So make your words natural and properly timed. They will go a long way. And this one works.
2. Show Appreciation for the Little Things
In the hustle and bustle of parenthood, it’s easy to overlook the small acts of kindness and effort that our husbands put into making our lives better. But taking the time to notice and appreciate these little things can make a world of difference in your husband’s life. Believe me on this one~
Say encouraging words for the little things he does, whether it’s taking out the trash, fixing something around the house, or making you a cup of coffee in the morning. A simple “Thanks babe” or “I really appreciate what you do” can make him feel seen and valued, and encourage him to continue being a loving and supportive partner.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Don’t overdo it. Take, for example, saying “I love you.” Whether it’s to friends, relatives, or family, sometimes words are overused and oftentimes become meaningless if repeated on a broken-record level. Keep the “Thanks babe” or “That spaghetti you made was super yummy,” whatever it might be, use it with great meaning and maybe accompany it with a little slap on the butt. Us guys kinda like that…That’s why we do it to you… Aha moment! Mini butt slaps = It’s all affection = all love.
3. Plan Surprise Date Nights
Date nights are not just for the early stages of a relationship; they are essential for maintaining a strong and thriving marriage. Surprise your husband by planning special date nights that allow you to connect and have fun together. It could be a romantic dinner at home, a picnic in the park, or a night out at his favorite restaurant.
The key is to make him feel special and loved by taking the initiative to plan these special moments. Date nights provide an opportunity to escape from the stresses of daily life and focus on each other. They remind us of the love and joy we share and create lasting memories that strengthen our bond.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Make sure you don’t book this during ‘game night.’ If there’s a hockey, football, or whatever game playing on TV and you might not be aware of his favorite team playing, this idea might and will fail. Read the lines and the web to see if his team is playing or not before making plans.
Pro-Hubby-Tip #2: If your husband likes to have a beer or wine, make sure you have a driver to help out or take the taxi.
4. Be His Safe Place
In difficult times, husbands need a safe place where they can be vulnerable, express their fears and concerns, and find comfort and support. Be that safe place for your husband. Create an environment where he feels safe to share his emotions without judgment or criticism.
Listen attentively when he opens up to you and offer words of encouragement and understanding. Sometimes, all he needs is a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Your presence and support can give him the strength and courage to navigate through difficult situations and come out stronger on the other side.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Tell him “Babe let’s talk”…let him worry about what YOU might want to ‘talk’ about…And when the time comes(no kids) let him spill the beans. If he has nothing to talk about probe him about work, his losing team, the aggressive driver that cut him off that day,…anything that might be bothering him or making him happy.
Pro-Hubby-Tip #2: I guarantee he has something to say. It could be about buying that new car, investments, changing the wallpaper in the kids’ rooms, or simply feeling gloomy because he gained 10 lbs during the winter…Guys don’t open up quickly. So, if he’s not in the mood for talking, maybe you can start by saying something that is on your mind, good or bad. Don’t make it about him and his flaws more in the realm of what happened in your day at work or whatever is on your mind. The point is to make him talk about what’s on his mind because he HAS something to say. 100%
5. Celebrate His Accomplishments
Your husband’s accomplishments, no matter how big or small, deserve to be celebrated. Take the time to acknowledge his achievements and let him know that you are proud of him. Whether it’s a promotion at work, completing a project, or even just overcoming a personal challenge, celebrate his victories together.
Throw a surprise celebration, write him a heartfelt note, or plan a special outing to commemorate his accomplishments. By celebrating his successes, you not only boost his self-esteem but also strengthen his bond as a couple. It shows him that you are his biggest cheerleader and that you believe in his abilities. This is a great way to encourage your husband.
6. Make Time for Quality Time
In the midst of our busy lives, it’s easy to let quality time with our partners take a back seat. But carving out dedicated time to spend with your husband is crucial for maintaining a strong connection and fostering intimacy in your relationship.
Make it a priority to have a regular date night, movie nights, or even just a quiet evening at home without distractions. Put away the phones, turn off the TV, and focus on each other. Engage in activities that you both enjoy and use this time to reconnect, have meaningful conversations, and create lasting memories.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: How about getting into a new hobby together? There are a ton of options out there and depending on your geographical location and budget you could discover a whole new world of fun with him.
7. Be His Best Friend
Beyond being romantic partners, strive to be your husband’s best friend. Cultivate a deep friendship where you can laugh together, share secrets, support each other’s dreams, and be each other’s confidants. Friendship forms the foundation of a strong and lasting marriage.
Be there for him in good times and bad, just like you would for your best friend. Have fun together, explore new hobbies, and create inside jokes that only the two of you understand. By being his best friend, you create a bond that can weather any storm and make your marriage stronger than ever.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Try to think like a guy. Okay, not easy…but might be easier than you thought. Guys like, sports, beers, stocks, hobbies, cars, and jokes. So how about getting to know these interests and more that he enjoys? And talk about them. Make it fun. Find a company you want to invest in and buy a few shares of their stock. How about the reverse of ‘the Dad Joke’ and make your own ‘Cheesy Mom Jokes?’ He’s gonna enjoy that. Just put your guard down and have fun like you both did before parenthood came along…
How about this one? Priceless…”What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!!”
Keep it simple and fun.
8. Embrace the Power of Physical Touch
Physical touch is a powerful way to express love and provide comfort to your husband. Whether it’s a warm hug, a gentle touch on the arm, or holding hands, physical touch has the ability to soothe, connect, and communicate love without words.
Make it a habit to incorporate physical touch into your everyday life. Shop at the grocery store hand-in-hand, cuddle on the couch while watching a movie, or give each other massages. Physical touch not only strengthens the emotional bond between you but also provides a sense of security and reassurance.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: I’ve mentioned it in #2…Slap on the butt, once in a while…I’ll leave this one here.
What does the Bible say about the role of a mother? To learn more about being a godly mother, check out these 10 characteristics of a good mother according to the Bible.
9. Believe in His Potential
One of the greatest gifts you can give your husband is to believe in his potential. Encourage him to pursue his dreams, support him in his endeavors, and remind him of his unique talents and abilities. Your belief in him can be the driving force behind his success.
When he faces setbacks or doubts his abilities, be there to remind him of his strengths and the great things he has already accomplished. Encourage him to keep pushing forward and never give up on his dreams. Your unwavering belief in him will inspire him to become a better man and achieve greatness.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Surely you do believe in his potential, but does he know you know?
10. Respect His Space
Understand that everyone needs some personal time. Give him space to pursue his hobbies or simply unwind. I’ll talk more about this with Solo Movie nights below, but giving him a little ‘him’ time will go a long way.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Keep it simple. If he’s watching the game, don’t ask him to take out the trash. If he’s tired and looks grumpy don’t ask for sex. If he’s working in the garage on a project don’t ask to go grocery shopping, now. Feel the mood and play with it. You might need some space as well, it’s a win-win.
11. Encourage Friendships
Support his friendships. Encourage him to spend time with his friends, as healthy social connections are essential. As guys get older, it’s harder to make real friendships. So, if he has good friends make sure he keeps them close and that he does the ‘guys’ night out’ thing a few times a year.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Let him book a camping trip once or twice a year with the ‘boys.’ Just like having a ‘girls’ night out.’ Make sure he gets that time with his friends. He’ll come back happy and refreshed. Always look at his friends as tools to help with his mindset and spirit in a favorable way. Yes, maybe his friend Mike has the maturity of a middle-schooler, but he’s your husband’s buddy and you must respect that.
Pro-Hubby-Tip #2: Write his friend’s birthdays and wedding anniversaries on your calendar and remind him. This is a good way to show that you care and show genuine interest about his ‘bros.’
Remind him to take care of his health and well-being. Encourage exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep. I have several blog posts about all these topics on my Dad blog, Daddy Simply, and I highly recommend that he takes great care of himself both physically and mentally.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Self-care is anything from taking a hot bath alone with some good loud music to getting a facial. Yes, these are not only for the ladies, they are more than proper for the guys too…
Here are some small steps your husband can take on a regular basis. They work!
13. Book a solo movie night for HIM
I’m actually doing this tonight as my wife booked a horror movie for me. It’s important, and I’ll repeat this as many times as possible, that both you and your man give each other space. It doesn’t matter how much you love each other, it’s a crucial part of well-being in terms of individuals and couples alike. It’s not about ‘getting him out of the house’ it’s about acknowledging that he works hard and is a great father and husband and needs a breather…That goes for your ‘solo’ nights too.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Book one movie a month separately. If that’s too much make it every other month, otherwise it won’t become a consistent thing. Another tip is to book it in the early evening, so let’s say 630pm or 7 pm, this gives him ample time to have some solo time.
14. Spark up the BBQ
If you know how to use your barbecue, I HIGHLY suggest that to put a steak on there and wait for his reaction. In many households, ‘the man’ is the BBQ king, so change that around and make yourself the Beautiful Balanced Queen-BBQ… He will be surprised and will love the idea of you getting your grill on.
Pro-Hubby-Tip: Not all guys drink alcohol… but I enjoy a beer on Fridays. I’m sure your guy would enjoy one as well. Put a beer or favorite drink in the freezer 30 min before he arrives from work. Tell him “Babe, there’s a drink in the freezer with your name on it.” He will love that! Then get your Queen grill going while he’s sippin’ on a cold one. The perfect evening ahead~~
15. Go the ‘the game’ with him
If you’re a sporty lady or not, try to be a couple of times a year. If you don’t like football and you think having a favorite sports team is childish, just go to the game with him anyway. Really, it might be the best way to get him talking. You might even enjoy all the mayhem on the field.
16. Special T.G.I.F together
If you have children, you might have a difficult time getting a free evening. If you can, try to make a ‘Friday wine and movie’ night together. You’ll thank me. Get a Netflix movie HE wants and go along with it. Don’t choose the movie, let him choose, and don’t try to change his mind. Just go with the flow. Again, you might enjoy it.
17. Sex, Sex, and more Sex
I’ve avoided the word until now. But come on, sex is a huge part of being a married couple. The most important thing in marriage? According to a pastor friend of mine here in Korea, the answer is yes. “Sex is a barometer of where the couple is heading in life and how much they love each other. Sex is one of the best medicines for many things.” These words come from a religious person but I’m sure many would agree with these positive words.
18. Bring him lunch at work
Make something he likes and bring it straight to his office. Make sure you catch him early enough before his expected lunchtime. Write a few gentle words on a piece of paper, as well. This simple act will make sure he has a good day ahead.
19. Little notes to encourage your husband
After years of marriage, it can be hard to keep things cute and lovey-dovey… Make little sticky love notes and stick them around the house. It’s super easy and effective. I do this to my wife actually. Don’t do this too often as it might lose its effect.
20. No Nag Days
There I said it.
++ I saw you rolling your eyes!!
Your hubby is fantastic. Remember that guy you married? Well, he’s still there. He’s simply been consumed by fatherhood, work, stress, and all things ‘adult.’ Things change at a rapid pace when parenthood creeps in, mostly good stuff. But, we oftentimes get so caught up with the ifs, buts, and oops’ that we forget how beautiful life really is in the present.
The little things that my wife does to uplift and support me make all the difference in my ability to navigate the challenges of life and be the best husband and dad I can be.
So, remember that we (guys) are quite easy to please and often just take a little nudge, kiss, letter, or a good movie to take us back to the awesomeness of being married. These are the best ways to encourage your husband and build a strong and thriving marriage and I hope you enjoyed them and apply them somehow into your lives.
+Don’t take these tips as a to-do list but look at them more as a simple way to give a little reminder, to that great husband of yours, that he’s a valuable part of the family.
No sure where to go from here? You can read this article about praying for your husband…
Patrick Cloutier is a French-Canadian Father, Author, and Dad Blogger
who has thrived as an entrepreneur in South Korea and Canada since 2000.
With a diverse background in owning businesses, freelancing as an
English teacher, writer, and actor, he now dedicates himself to helping
fathers find balance and joy through his popular dad blog,
Daddysimply.com. When he’s not attempting to eat scrambled eggs with
chopsticks, he enjoys quality time with his wife and son, engaging in
exercise, Korean language studies, and immersing himself in a good book.