You’ve been so excited since you got the double line on the pregnancy test. Or, maybe you weren’t, but you’ve come around to the idea after the shock wore off. You figured out your due date, started planning how you would tell your family and friends, and thought about names.
However, a few days, weeks, or even months later you started bleeding. Or maybe you got the news at your appointment. No heartbeat. Your emotions range from disbelief and shock, to devastation, to anger. You cry. You question. You rage. You may even feel devoid of emotion…but you are not alone. You wonder how to cope with miscarriage.
How to Cope with Miscarriage
Miscarriage is not talked about as openly as it should be since one in five diagnosed pregnancies will end in miscarriage. These odds increase exponentially the older you are, or if you have a history of previous miscarriage.
However, I’m very aware that these numbers mean nothing when the number is you…or a loved one. As someone who has dealt with several miscarriages, I want to be able to support you through this hard time. So what are some things that are helpful when dealing with miscarriage? How can you heal emotionally from a miscarriage? How do you grieve your miscarriage and move forward? Here are some things that are helpful to know.
Everyone deals with miscarriage differently
How long does it take to get over a miscarriage? Well, we all have
Grieving is different for all of us…and that’s okay. We all handle miscarriages differently. It may also depend on how far along you were, how long you’d been trying for a baby, and if it’s your first pregnancy. Many factors can go into how we cope with our miscarriage.
Be open about your loss
It can be hard to be vulnerable but don’t be afraid to be open about the loss of your baby. In the immediate time frame, being open allows more people to support you through prayers, give encouragement for miscarriage, and help with meals or other children you may have. In time as you’ve had some time to heal, being open can help you relate to other women who are coping with miscarriage or loss in some way. You can truly empathize with them and give hope after a miscarriage. Having support from those around you can help immensely as you deal with the grief of miscarriage.
Give grace to those who say the wrong thing
There will be people in your life who just don’t know what to say. They will just blurt something out like, “God must have really wanted your baby with Him,” or, “Don’t worry. You can have another one,” or, “Be thankful you already have children.” These comments can be super hurtful…if you let them be.
Many people feel like they have to say something, but they haven’t ever dealt with a miscarriage. Recognize that they are just trying to empathize and give them grace. They just want you to know that they care, and they want you to feel better. Focus on what they’re trying to do rather than the incorrect terms they may say.
Find a tangible way to honor or remember your baby
Not everyone may feel they need to do this, especially in a super early miscarriage, but often it is helpful to find a way to honor or memorialize your baby. Maybe you would like to name
Trusting God after miscarriage
Even though…ESPECIALLY though you’re hurting, God is with you
Know that your baby is in heaven, and find comfort in that. Find some Bible verses of comfort to help you keep the right focus as well as remember that God is with you. Also, you can download some FREE verse cards with comforting verses already printed on them. There’s also a blank one for you to add your own verse.
What does the Bible say about the role of a mother? To learn more about being a godly mother, check out these 10 characteristics of a good mother according to the Bible.
Prayer after Miscarriage
After a miscarriage, pour out your grief before God. He is right there with you and grieving with you. You may not know what to pray, so let me help you get started.
“Dear Lord, I am so heartbroken right now. My dreams have been crushed and I just don’t know how to deal with this. I wanted this baby so badly! Please help me to trust in You in the midst of my pain. I know that You are right here with me every step of the way. I don’t understand, but I know that You love me still. I know You have a plan for me. Bring peace and comfort to my heart that only You can give. Give me the strength to get through each day as I depend on You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
Comfort for Miscarrriage
Miscarriage is hard, and I’m so sorry that you are dealing with one. Remember that everyone will cope with miscarriage and their grief differently. Your way of dealing with miscarriage is valid. There is not just one right way to handle it, and I pray these tips will help you move forward and find comfort. Definitely check out the other resources for miscarriage and loss on the blog. Several are listed below.
How have you handled miscarriages? What else have you found helpful? Please leave a comment below.
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