You’ve been so excited since you got the double line on the pregnancy test. Or, maybe you weren’t, but you’ve come around to the idea after the shock wore off. You figured out your due date, started planning how you would tell your family memebers and friends, and thought about names.
However, a few days, weeks, or even months later you started bleeding. Or maybe you got the news at your appointment. No heartbeat. As you go through the stages of grief, your emotions range from disbelief and shock, to devastation, to anger. You cry. You question. You rage. You may even feel devoid of emotion…but you are not alone. You wonder how to cope with miscarriage.
Cope with Miscarriage
Miscarriage is not talked about as openly as it should be since one in five diagnosed pregnancies end in miscarriage. These odds increase exponentially the older you are, or if you have a history of previous miscarriage.
However, I’m very aware that these numbers mean nothing when the number is you…or a loved one. As someone who has dealt with several miscarriages, I want to be able to support you through the grieving process.
So what are some things that are helpful when dealing with miscarriage? How can you heal emotionally from a miscarriage? How do you grieve your miscarriage and move forward? Here are some things that are helpful to know.
Everyone deals with miscarriage differently
How long does it take to get over a miscarriage? Well, we all have a different emotional makeup, different life circumstances, and different ways of handling the rollercoaster of emotions. What you need to know is that there is no wrong way to grieve. You may cry for days, or you may not shed a tear. Others may think you should be over it by now, but you’re not…and it’s been months. You might be bothered when your friend or sister announces their pregnancy, or you may be able to still be excited for them.
Grieving is different for all of us…and that’s okay. We all handle miscarriages differently. It may also depend on how many weeks gestation you were, how long you’d been trying for a baby, and if it’s your first pregnancy. Many factors can go into miscarriage grief and how to heal emotionally from a miscarriage, but these tips will help you.
Be open about your loss
It can be hard to be vulnerable and express difficult emotions, but don’t be afraid to be open about the loss of your baby. In the immediate time frame, being open allows family members and close friends to give you emotional support through prayers, encouragement for miscarriage, or offer help with meals or other children you may have. Your loved ones just want to give you practical support as you deal with the emotional pain.
In time as you’ve had some time to heal, being open can help you relate to other women who are coping with a similar experience with miscarriage. You can truly empathize with them and give them hope after a miscarriage. Having support from those around you can help immensely as you deal with this difficult time.
Give grace to those who say the wrong thing
There will be people in your life who just don’t know what to say. They will just blurt something out like, “God must have really wanted your baby with Him,” or, “Don’t worry. You can have another one,” or, “Be thankful you already have children.” These comments can be super hurtful…if you let them be.
Many people feel like they have to say something, but they haven’t ever dealt with a miscarriage. It’s a good idea to recognize that they are just trying in their own way to empathize and give them grace. They just want you to know that they care, and they want you to feel better. Focus on what they’re trying to do rather than the incorrect terms they may say.
Find a tangible way to honor or remember your baby
Not everyone may feel they need to honor their baby tangibly, especially in a super early miscarriage, but often it is helpful to find a way to honor or memorialize your baby. Maybe you would like to name your baby, or you could keep the pregnancy test or ultrasound picture. You may want a special piece of jewelry to either wear or just tuck away for special moments. You may even start a bereavement group or promote an existing organization in honor of your little one. There are many possibilities of ways to remember and honor your baby to help deal with your miscarriage. None of these can remove your feelings of grief, but they can certainly give you a touch of comfort as you remember your baby through the years ahead.
Trusting God after miscarriage
Even though…ESPECIALLY though you’re hurting, the most important thing is to know that God is with you during this time. Because of this, you can still trust God after a miscarriage. God has not left you to deal with the pain of miscarriage and range of emotions on your own. You may not ever understand the reason for your miscarriage, but God has not changed who He is in the middle of our grief. He can still be trusted. He can give you strength, peace, and comfort through the heartache of miscarriage.
Know that your baby is in heaven, and find comfort in that. Find some Bible verses of comfort to help you keep the right focus as well as remember that God is with you. Also, you can download some FREE verse cards with comforting verses already printed on them. There’s also a blank one for you to add your own verse.
What does the Bible say about the role of a mother? To learn more about being a godly mother, check out these 10 characteristics of a good mother according to the Bible.
Prayer after Miscarriage
After a miscarriage, pour out your grief and sense of loss before God. He is right there with you and mourning with you. You may not know what to pray, so let me help you get started.
“Dear Lord, I am so heartbroken right now. My dreams have been crushed and I just don’t know how to deal with this. I wanted this baby so badly! Please help me to trust in You in the midst of my pain. I know that You are right here with me every step of the way. I don’t understand, but I know that You love me still. I know You have a plan for me. Bring peace and comfort to my heart that only You can give. Give me the strength to get through each day as I depend on You. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
Comfort for Miscarriage
Miscarriage is hard, and I’m so sorry that you are dealing with one. Remember that everyone will cope with miscarriage and grief differently. Your way of dealing with miscarriage is valid. There is not just one right way to handle it, and I pray these tips will help you move forward and find comfort. Definitely check out the other resources for miscarriage and loss on the blog. Several are listed below.
If you really find yourself struggling through feelings of loss, please reach out to your healthcare provider with a follow-up appointment for professional support. This is especially true if you are having trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, or excessive feelings of guilt. You may just need a little extra support to help you move through this process.
How have you handled miscarriages? What else have you found helpful? Please leave a comment below. I’d love to pray for you.
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