Why is it that we struggle with mom comparison? It seems like women often tend to compare themselves to one another, but we especially do this as moms. I know I can’t be the only one . . . silently wondering how I measure up to those around me . . . the immense pressure of trying to fit in. Perhaps you’ve felt it (and done it), too. So, let’s chat about it. You’ll learn about mom comparison, what the Bible has to say about comparison, and how to stop comparing yourself to others. Are you ready?
Mom Comparison
You come to Bible study with makeup on and hair fixed? You wonder why so-and-so always comes in sweats and a messy bun. Maybe you’re the one who took 5 minutes to get ready, and you wonder how in the world “Jessica” is always so put together.
Maybe you’re comparing how early your baby is hitting developmental milestones, how healthy you feed your kids (or not), how in shape you are, or even the number of extracurriculars you are or aren’t involved in. Perhaps you’re silently comparing how messy your home is compared to your best friend’s, or how well-behaved your children are compared to hers.
Comparison can go either way. Either you’re looking down on another for something, or you’re feeling subpar to another mom. But, we don’t just compare ourselves to those around us, we compare ourselves to what we see on social media. In fact, 87% of women compare their bodies to those on social media.
It’s time to get out of the comparison trap. After all, comparison is the thief of joy and only breeds negative emotions and feelings. If you’re having a hard time, let me show you how to make a change.
Bible Verses about Comparison
Mom comparison is really putting unfair expectations on yourself. While you will never be a perfect mom, you are the best mom for your children. God knew what He was doing and didn’t make a mistake. Yes, you will make mistakes, but you can always grow and become a better mom as you grow in Christ.
It’s time to stop the comparison game and instead focus on what God has to say. At the end of the day, what He has to say about you is all that matters. Let’s see what that is.
Galatians 1:10
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 (ESV)
I know this is often easier said than done. Sometimes I think I’m trying to please God, but I realize that I’m often trying to please man. I’m afraid of what other moms might think if I ask them about their relationship with God. I want to make sure I look nice if I happen to leave the house. I am afraid to confront blatant sin in a family member who claims to be a Christian. I could go on and on.
Psalm 139:14
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:14
God made you just the way He wanted you. He didn’t make a mistake on your hair, your nose, or your build, so the next time you’re tempted to complain, thank God instead. Thank Him for the good things He has given you and the positive traits you have.
Romans 12:4-8
"For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness." Romans 12:4-8
Often we look at others’ lives and think they have things so much better than we do. They seem to be good at everything! However, when you really think about it, God made us all unique for a reason. In Romans, Paul compared us to different parts of a body. It doesn’t work for us all to be the mouth! You are important, even if you feel that your skills are insignificant.
James 3:16
"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice." James 3:16
James gives us a great reminder that jealousy and selfishness will lead to no good. You may be jealous of your daughter’s friend’s mom, but all you see of her are highlight reels. You don’t know what’s actually going on in her life, her marriage. You are trapped in the negative feelings instead of seeing that she’s hurting.
Proverbs 14:30
"A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot." Proverbs 14:30
This is another reminder of the dangers of jealousy and envy. On the flip side, when we’re at peace with those around us, we are full of life. We can be more aware of what’s going on with those around us.
Philippians 2:3
"Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves." Philippians 2:3
Jesus was the ultimate example of humility. He put others first. Do you? In the last week, how much attention have you given to the lives of those around you?
2 Corinthians 10:12
"Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." 2 Corinthians 10:12
It’s not how we compare to others that does anything or gets us into heaven. Our standard is a holy God . . . and we can in no way compare. That’s the good news of the gospel . . . the reason we need Jesus.
Exodus 20:17
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” Exodus 20:17
Comparison is coveting in some way. You may be coveting another mom’s looks, how put together she is, how she has the the perfect figure, or how well-behaved her kids are. According to the Ten Commandments, we aren’t to have anything to do with coveting or comparison. Instead, we are to thank God for what He has given us and strive to honor Him in all we do.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
How do I stop comparing as a mom? In recent years, it has become especially hard to just live our own lives without comparing to other people’s lives, especially when we are bombarded with their lives through media. You feel like you’ll never be a good enough mom as you spiral into negative comparisons. Even if you think you’re doing okay, it’s often a false confidence as you compare a particular area you may be strong in.
I want to tell you how to stop comparing yourself to others. This will not be an overnight fix, but with God’s help, this is something you can totally grow in. Grab a fellow mom to help keep you accountable!
Keep an eternal perspective
This world is temporary. By keeping an eternal perspective, you will be living for things that will matter when you stand before God. I can guarantee that He won’t care if you dressed in the latest fashion. He will care about whether you stewarded your time for His glory, whether you invested in those around you, and whether you were willing to share the gospel with those you came in contact with. He will care that you faithfully pointed your children to Christ. He will care that you obeyed His commands.
Prayer
As always, be praying about your struggles, including comparison. God will give you the strength you need to put these other tips into place. Prayer is powerful but is often underutilized.
What does the Bible say about the role of a mother? To learn more about being a godly mother, check out these 10 characteristics of a good mother according to the Bible.
Practice gratitude
Gratitude is a fabulous antidote for comparison. By practicing gratitude, you will begin to look for the positive things in your life instead of focusing on the negative. As you are thankful to God for His blessings, you will be satisfied with all He has given you.
Renew your mind
When your life is filled with comparison, you are focused on the negative aspects of your life and how it doesn’t measure up to those around you. Instead, use God’s Word to change your mindset and renew your mind. You can start with some of the Bible verses mentioned above or find ones that are more in line with your particular struggle. It doesn’t take much time to read over and meditate on a couple of verses, but it can pay huge dividends!
Focus on others
A sure way to get the focus off yourself is to focus on others. When you are looking for ways to serve those around you, you will not be thinking of yourself. This is also a great way to model service to your children.
Limit social media
Social comparisons are real. You see just a snapshot of someone’s life and think they have it together. If you find yourself struggling with comparison with those you follow on social media, it’s time to stop following them. Choose to follow only those who encourage and inspire you or even cut it out altogether for a season.
Find a good community
Community is so important for us, especially in the motherhood season. Find a community that will point you toward Christ. Find those who will encourage you to grow, help you, teach you, and love you. Find those who are living fully for the Lord and can guide you as well.
No More Mom Comparison
The next time you’re feeling the temptation to compare yourself to another mom, remind yourself of one of the verses above or try one of these tips. As I mentioned at the beginning, overcoming comparison won’t be an overnight fix, but with God’s help, you can do it. Embrace the season God has called you to, and be thankful for the impact you will make in the lives of those around you.
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